Chapter Six

Chapter Six

I Find Myself Still Hating Couscous

Logan was stealing sideways glances at me as we walked to the cafeteria.

I was surprised I was even noticing because I was so distracted with the seemingly simple task of walking. I kept having to slightly adjust the way I walked, which was really annoying. And it’s not what you’re thinking. Okay, it was a little because of that, but it was also because my muscles were different now. I would’ve had to concentrate really hard to be able to walk like I had before anyway.

But I didn’t really want to walk as I had before.

Back in our room, I had spent all of one minute convincing Logan that I was fine, and I just needed to eat something.

Amazingly, he hadn’t pressed me. Had he been Alice, I would have been drilled non-stop until I had confessed every little detail of the near-vomiting episode.

Yet he was still watching me.

Feeling a tad confrontational, I stared back at him. “What?”

Logan shrugged.

I was at a loss. Did guys ever talk about anything? How was I supposed to find out why he had been upset about me being his roommate? Or was it just that he genuinely didn’t like me? Or was it something else entirely and had to do with the heated conversation I’d witnessed between him and his dad, the ringmaster?

And all I got out of him was a shrug.

Trying not to be too annoyed, I purposefully split away from him once we reached the cafeteria. I went to the drinks and grabbed a glass instead of standing in the lunch line with him. I was going to get chocolate milk. Whole chocolate milk. If I was a guy now, then I could at least eat like one. If I was going to be forced into this, then I would enjoy every little pro that I could think of.

Teenage boy metabolism here I come.

I had already drained half the glass, when I saw Alice. She was sitting at our regular table by the window, outright not-even-trying-to-hide-it staring at me, a plate of untouched couscous with a side of carrots in front of her.

Without even thinking about, I walked over and sat down across the round table from her. As I had gotten closer, her eyes had gotten wider and wider. Now she pretty much looked like an owl.

I set my glass down and she seemed to snap out of it. Her expression changed to one of anger. She leaned forward. “What are you doing?” she hissed.

Trying to ignore the sting at her tone, I took a sip of my chocolate milk to buy some time. “I can’t sit with my best friend?”

Alice’s nostrils flared. “You’re not my best friend.”

“Then who am I?”

Alice shook her head in jerky motions. “I—don’t—know. But stay away from me.” She got up from her chair and started to walk towards the exit.

Oh no you don’t.

I chugged the last of my milk and followed her.

As soon as I burst through the double doors, I looked both ways and saw her slip into the girl’s restroom.

Sneaky, clever Alice.

But that wasn’t stopping me.

After looking to see if anyone was watching, I slipped into the girl’s restroom. Alice’s head whipped around when I walked in. “What are you doing?!”

I put my hands up to reassure her. She looked seriously scared. “I just want to talk.”

Alice backed up against the wall. “Fine. Talk. But if you come any closer, I will scream so loud your ears will bleed.”

I raised my eyebrows. “I know. You’re voice could probably break glass.”

She shook her head, releasing a shaky breath. “You don’t know me.” Her lips were quivering. It made me sick to my stomach. I tried to remind myself that she was probably just freaked out from seeing me change right in front of her. And I suppose that, even though I was now in a male body, looking so similar to my old female self was probably the most disturbing thing of all. It had totally fucked me up for sure.

“Yes. I do.” I tried to keep my voice as even as possible. “You’re the girl who can’t stand it when it rains. You have to have sunshine or you shut down. In fact, you love the sun so much, that you told me when you get your own house, you want to paint all the walls different shades of yellow.” I grimaced at the thought. I hated yellow. But I kept talking, speeding up as I went. “You’re the girl that loves British humor. You have every season of the original Office memorized, you introduced me to Monty Python, Shaun of the Dead and Eddie Izzard. You think any European accent is sexy. You love anything having to do with the ocean. You secretly want to be a backup singer for Lady Gaga. You—”

“Stop!” Alice was shaking, tears falling down her cheeks. In response, I felt my own eyes well up with tears. I hated seeing her so scared like this. “It’s not possible,” she whispered.

“I know. It’s totally fucked up and crazy, but I swear to you, I’m Fiona.” I felt a single tear fall down my own cheek. “What else do I have to do to convince you?” I tried not to make it sound pathetic, but it came out as a plea. She just had to believe me.

Alice shook her head slowly, still crying a little. “Nothing. I—I believe you. I’m just…having a really hard time wrapping my mind around it.”

“Trust me. I understand.”

Her eyes shot up, a little steely glint in them. “What’s Fiona’s favorite animal?”

“Dolphin,” I answered immediately, sort of expecting to be grilled. This was Alice I was talking to.

“Why?”

“Because it’s the most intelligent creature on earth second to humans.”

“What’s Fiona’s favorite music?”

This was a trick question. She was being sneaky again. “It depends on the month. I listen to a different genre every month. This month is progressive acoustic.”

Alice shook her head, but the tears had stopped. “I don’t know.” She rung her hands. “You could be—like—I don’t know, an alien or something.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Is that really what you think?” Practical Alice, considering a theory with aliens?

Alice’s shoulders sagged. “You’re right. That’s a dumb idea.”

I kept quiet, not wanting to tip the scales. It felt like she was on the verge of actually believing me for real. I held my breath.

She looked up at me, and I knew by her expression that I had convinced her. “I’m going to go along with this, but only because I loved Fiona. For her sake, I’ll believe you.”

My relief was short-lived. Her use of past tense felt like a punch to the gut. I had to ask her, while I had the nerve. “Alice, what are they saying about me—about Fiona?”

She bit her lip. “They said that—that Fiona suffered a seizure, a really bad seizure. When Mr. Rellik came into Mott Hall and took you away, I followed and overhead him talking to Logan about her. Mr. Rellik said that Fiona was in the hospital, that she had collapsed outside the dining hall. But…I knew it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. She didn’t collapse. I went to Mott Hall with her.” Alice shivered and shook her head. “I just don’t know what to believe.”

So it was true. My real body was in some hospital nearby. But that would mean everything following lunch today had been a product of my imagination—including this conversation.

None of it made any sense.

Unless Mr. Rellik, Ms. Perry, and Headmaster Slater were all involved in some sort of body-switching cult conspiracy.

No way.

But then again, I was in a male body. I couldn’t ignore that fact. So maybe I needed to explore alternate theories that I had previously thought impossible. Maybe Ryan Lane did exist after all, and he was a long-lost son of my partier bachelor uncle, which was totally possible knowing my family. And if that was the case, then was the “real” Ryan now in my body?

I blinked. Alice was watching me. I guess I had zoned out for a minute. “Sorry, did you say something?”

Alice bit her lip. “I said that I’m not calling you ‘Fiona.’ I’ll go along with this,” she gestured from me to her, “but I just can’t—” her eyes travelled up and down my body, settling on my face, “—I just can’t look at you and call you Fiona.”

I felt something inside break off and die. “Just call me Ryan, then. I’m…kind of getting used to it.” Lie.

Alice was quiet, her eyes searching my own. “I could always call you Lane. That was Fiona’s last name too.”

The part that had died inside blossomed back into life. It took a lot of self-control to not go over and give her a big hug. Instead, I smiled hugely. “That’s…kind of perfect actually.”

Alice took a hesitant step forward, her body language looking a little more confident and a lot less scared. Then she took another step, and another, until she was right in front of me. She put a hand on my arm. Then, laser-fast, she asked, “Who’s my favorite dancer?”

“Uh…Justin Timberlake?” I was wondering if this ask-a-random-question thing would continue forever. Knowing Alice, it probably would.

Alice tilted her head suspiciously. “No, it’s Twitch from ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ Season 4. I started liking Twitch over Timberlake last February when I started watching Hulu.”

I laughed, unable to stop myself. “Alice, you can’t seriously expect me to remember every little thing about you. I just met you last year. We haven’t seen each other all summer—and skyping doesn’t count!” I quickly added, cutting her off as she had opened her mouth to argue.

The door swung open behind me, nearly hitting my shoulder. Alice and I both jumped. In the doorway was a girl I had seen before but never talked to. She was a year older than me. I think her name was…Deidre?

Deidre’s face was a mask of surprise for a moment, her eyes going between the two of us. Then her face went from shocked to slightly confused to mildly curious. She smiled conspiratorially. “Am I interrupting?”

Alice’s hand flew off my arm so fast I didn’t even see it move. “No,” Alice said briskly. She looked at me for a second, then pushed past Deidre and out the door.

Damn it.

As Deidre stood in the doorway, I realized, like a dimwit, that I wasn’t supposed to be in the girl’s restroom. I had sort of forgotten. Talking with Alice had felt so normal. But nothing was normal. Not anymore.

My face flushed, I ducked past Deidre to follow Alice into the dining hall. When I walked in, it was just in time to see Alice sitting down at her table again. Her food was probably really cold by now. If you could call couscous “food.” She gave me a look as if she knew what I was thinking and started stirring.

There was no one in line anymore. I was really hungry.

After grabbing three slices of margherita pizza, and resisting the urge to get more chocolate milk—I didn’t want to make myself sick—I sat down once again across from my best friend. Alice was still stirring. “You want some?” she asked lightly.

I tried to hide a smile and shook my head. Sneaky monkey. “You know I hate couscous.”

Alice took a bite.

I grimaced.

She chewed thoughtfully and shrugged. “Your loss.”


Entire Novel
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five